When does self-doubt serve you?

Self-doubt is sneaky.

It can show-up disguised as second-guessing important life decisions, the fear of disappointing someone we care about, undervaluing our creative contributions in the world, or simply thinking everyone else has it all figured out (but us).

In response we hesitate, avoid, overanalyze or hide our uniqueness in ways that make it hard to be entirely genuine in our relationships or feel truly fulfilled in our own life.

None of this is helpful. 

But, doubt is also baked into being a human: Our brain is designed to be discerning, to sort, categorize and question (doubt) everything in order to better understand it. Our soul, meanwhile, is hardwired for growth, which calls for curiosity, openness, and a willingness to let go of limited perceptions that once seemed like the whole truth, in favour of a more expanded view of reality.

So, what are we to do? 

On the one hand we’re plagued by uncomfortable bouts of over-thinking that undermine our relationships, creativity, and sense of self. On the other we seem unable to escape the need to ultimately doubt our perception of reality and embrace its impermanence in order to evolve.

Plus, our science-focused society is big on data, material proof and evidenced-based policies — perhaps in reaction to that big brain that’s always asking questions? So we’ve been trained to seek certainty and expect everything to come with a money-back guarantee.

The result is behaviour consistently designed to push self-doubt away in the form of unhelpful behaviours like people pleasing and perfectionism, or more effective ones like repeating positive affirmations or actually acknowledging our achievements.

All of our reactions tend to be in opposition to doubt in an attempt to dismiss or eliminate it. But we know that working against something isn’t sustainable.

What we need is a third way: A strategy to work with the self-doubt that’s inherently present for us so that it can help rather than hinder us on our journey.

We want the capacity to distinguish between debilitating doubts (that are utterly unhelpful), and what we might call supportive self-doubt.

As we walk our personal path, challenges will arise. The landscape of life is unpredictable. We can call on courage and compassion to strengthen our resilience and soften debilitating self-doubt along the way.

Be courageous by choosing You

•  Prioritize your wellbeing with regular rest and renewal
•  Respect your limits by not saying yes when you mean no
•  Invest in you-time to get to know, like and trust yourself more
•  Take a stand for your feelings, needs and point of view
•  See challenges as opportunities for self growth

Be compassionate by

•  Fostering patience when you stumble or fall
•  Gently course-correcting mistakes or negative self-talk
•  Acknowledging all progress no matter how small
•  Cultivating connections with cheerleaders that help celebrate you
•  Accepting your unique approach to work, life and relationships

No matter what our experience, at some point on each leg of our journey we’ll reach the end of what we can intellectually understand. We’ll be invited to step into a kind of doorway to the unknown. This dance with the unfamiliar might begin as a completely new skill that needs to be learned, a thorny problem calling for a totally fresh perspective, a big health challenge or even a heartbreaking loss.

Whatever happens, small or significant, to bring us to the edge of our comfortable known reality, self-doubt will be there to greet us.

This might be the moment when we fall back on the old pattern of avoiding, hesitating, overthinking. Or…we can try something different.

We can allow self-doubt to act as a sign guiding us within, toward greater trust in our own knowing. 

Choosing to be courageous and compassionate in those tough times on our journey, we gain more and more self-confidence. We stop believing ourself (and our self-doubt stories), and start to believe in our self instead.

This is how we can press self-doubt into service: using it as a jumping off point, a signal letting us know the pivotal moment to practice complete trust in the part of us that always knows, and our capacity to navigate change in alignment with that inner wisdom.

When self-doubt shows up, try these free self-trust tools to help build inner confidence...

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